Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you are never too drunk for berry picking
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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