The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
