I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my being single is dangerous.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
