My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
