Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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