im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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