Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
