She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
