Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
