Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
