bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize