Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
