member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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