im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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