i barfeds in our rink
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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