There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
