im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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