my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize