i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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