There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
