Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize