True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I AM VODKA MAN
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
