I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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