As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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