I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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