Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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