I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
