Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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