If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
