And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
