Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
