someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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