there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
