I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
