No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
