I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
