Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
