would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
