Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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