I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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