when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
