tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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