I'm going to rape someone's good day.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Your cock deserves a montage
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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