I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
