why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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