I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
