Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
