I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize