Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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