And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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