Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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