she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
