I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
