This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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