When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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