me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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