Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
