Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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