If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
