Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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