If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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