So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
