i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
