Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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