i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im holly from the hills drunk
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize