Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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