Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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