Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
