I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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