break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
