dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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