just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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