That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
